Abuse is the violence of one partner against another. There can be physical, psychological, sexualized, economic abuse. And if physical and even financial violence in a relationship can be tracked and recognized, then this is more difficult to do with emotional abuse. The point is in the more subtle methods that the aggressor uses. Moreover, the abuser is not necessarily a man, and violence does not always occur in the family: it can be a friendly or work relationship.
What is emotional abuse and how does it manifest itself?
In abusive relationships, the roles of the tyrant and the victim are clearly defined, and they do not change over time. That is, only one partner acts in the position of accuser and aggressor. The second person is always in a subordinate and dependent position. This, according to the psychology of relationships, differs from the classic Karpman triangle “tyrant – victim – rescuer”, where participants change roles depending on the situation.
Emotional abuse has different manifestations:
- devaluation of the partner, his thoughts, desires and aspirations,
- making caustic comments and offensive jokes,
- gaslighting is an attempt to make the victim doubt his own feelings and memory: “it seemed to you,” “you’re making it up, this didn’t happen,” etc.
- negative statements about your partner’s friends and colleagues,
- ignoring and detachment during quarrels,
- pronounced aggression: screams and threats,
- control of calls and movements,
- attempt to shame,
- jealousy,
- blaming the victim for the abuser’s bad mood, and so on.
These manifestations do not always indicate abuse. Sometimes a partner may behave “badly” because they have had a bad day, or because they do not know how to express emotions in an environmentally friendly way. But if you systematically feel uncomfortable and unsafe in a relationship, your self-esteem has decreased and your social circle has narrowed, and your partner does not listen to you, even if you openly say that you are not happy, then you should think about it.
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